Love Your Person
“I’m your mister, you my misses with hugs and kisses / Valentine Cards and birthday wishes please / We on another level of planning, of understanding / the bond between man and woman, and child the highest elevation cause we above all that romance crap, just show your love,” Method Man & Mary J. Blige, “I'll Be There for You/You're All I Need to Get By"
Don’t make Valentine’s Day the only time that you let your person know that you love them! This week we’re taking a look at a classic Method Man and Mary J Blige collabo, partly inspired by this clip regarding a behind-the-scenes story of the making of the award winning single. Be sure to check out the clip for context and listen to the song below.
Valentine’s day is a great opportunity and reminder to celebrate important relationships in your life. However, if you’re not careful, then Valentine’s Day can accidentally become the only time a relationship is celebrated. In a comfortable and well-established relationship, it can be tempting to fall into routine and only whip out the flowers on the 14th of February. Of course, most of us (hopefully) know that this lack of effort does not cultivate a good relationship.
Good relationships require more investment than just a few days a year a year. Good relationships are more than Valentine’s Day, more than birthdays, more than anniversaries. Great love stories require intimacy, understanding, expressing and receiving of love. In this week’s track, Method Man highlights the importance of intentionally investing in your relationship through planning and understanding, AND models vulnerability and illustrates the impact that being vulnerable can have on a relationship.
When I say “intentionally investing in relationships,” I don’t mean just spending money on your partner. Investing in your relationship also includes investing: your time, your talents, your hearts. Investing into a relationship means expending resources and being comfortable with the risk of never receiving those resources back. Just like when you water a plant and don’t expect to get the water back, investing into a relationship comes with no strings attached but with a hope for a beautiful blossom.
Relationships without vulnerability lack deep roots. In my practice, I often work with men who have challenges being vulnerable and honest in intimate partner relationships. This reticence to vulnerability can have a variety of origins which contribute to barriers to men fully expressing themselves to their partners. The challenge is that vulnerability is such a great way to connect with the person that you love! It’s counter-intuitive, but vulnerability with someone we’re safe with often leads to us being closer together with that person.
Some thoughts on how to express your love to your partner, or how to express your needs for love from them:
Be curious and consider how do you best receive love? What about your partner - when do they feel most loved? (Please note that while some people find the “5 Love Languages” a good starting place for this, that the concept of those love languages are not backed by data).
Be creative and intentional when planning to express your love for your partner in the way that they best receive it. For example, if your partner likes flowers, do they prefer a classic dozen roses or something less traditional?
Follow through on what you’ve decided - embrace the nerves and all. Be brave, be vulnerable, and share with your partner how you feel about them.
I hope that you have an amazing Valentine’s Day!!! If you have someone in your life that you’re celebrating with, don’t forget that Wednesday is the 14th and make sure that you also say “I love you “ on the 15th.
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AI Disclaimer: This post is original and written by Kevin Boyd of Future Full of Hope, PLLC. No AI tool was leveraged in the development of this post
